A new kind of war

It's been months since I left the Army yet I can still feel the same anxiety from when I was waking up every morning deployed in Iraq for a year. Being a civilian isn't easy but I am working on it. I find myself not being able to socialize like the other Army wives. They do it with such ease that it can be annoying at times.

I've come to the conclusion that I need help yet again. I thought I was over talking to a shrink about my fears and concerns from being back down range. But I feel that I must seek the help otherwise I think I may fall into the dark hands of alcoholism and depression again. Such is a past nightmare I do not wish to relive.

I understand this is a phase I must go through. The phase of loneliness, of not being sure what to do with my time, or knowing what's out there for me to accomplish---but these are phases I wish I didn't have to deal with. I wish there was a fairy Godmother to swing her magical wand and make it all better. To take away my feelings of not knowing what to say or do around women who have never experience military from the other side of their vanity mirror.

For now I can hope with my decision to go back to college as a full time student can help. I'm even thinking about buying a sewing machine to keep myself locked into focus.

Who knows? Maybe venting through this blog has helped.